Kissing to Missing to Kissing Again

KISSING COUSINS TO MISSING COUSINS (A Legacy Tribute)

My cousins were very important in my everyday survival of my childhood , as was an aunt who was only eleven months older than me. Known fondly as our "red ant" because of her red hair, she was younger than my sister which often arched some eyebrows. Though most people thought she was a cousin, this aunt was more like a sister. My sister and I felt there were three of us. Though I would remain closer to her throughout our life times, at the end of my sister's life ,we were reunited as The Three Musketeers in her hospital room .

There were cousins on the maternal side but most were younger and didn't really live around us. They didn't become a part of the "intimate" circle of my childhood. They were more like the kind you saw "on occasions", holidays, funerals or perhaps babysat for.

My paternal cousins were the ones I bonded with most closely. I believe, in part, it was the hard life and destitute surroundings that brought us together. Not having money, nice clothes or homes that were on "the right side of the tracks" in the right neighborhoods, we tended to rely on each other rather than reach outside the family for friends.

Sadly, the years and family moves separated us in different states . For some years, we lost touch with several of the cousins. A couple actually didn't want to be found due to family abuse issues.

We are some of the "blessed" who found the internet and it's power to reunite. Two years ago, I was reunited with these cousins. At a mutually agreed to location, after more than fifty years, it was like we'd never been apart(except a heck of a lot more "beef" in the room" if you know what I mean).

This odyssey has helped us recover memories and prepare to leave the positive stories for the family "to come". It began with us reuniting and validating for each other that the "dark side" of the family existed, but we all survived. Actually, we all excelled in life. Not because of our childhoods, but in spite of them.

There was a lot of mutual healing that took place, and each of us could fill in some gaps. Some could elaborate on stories and put the bits and pieces back together. We truly feel we'll never be separated again, and with the genealogy gurus that my cousins are, a lot of questions have been answered .

We have found there are actually some "white sheep in our family". For years, when I would give talks about domestic violence, child sexual assault and family dysfunction, I would often "joke" that our family had so many "black sheep we hid the white ones." And ,I wasn't talking about race. I am finding the common thread between we survivors is, that we've created a large flock of "white sheep" to carry on the family line.

Our first reunion was billed as "From Missing Cousins to Kissing Cousins". We discovered the same caring and affection for each other was there just as it was in childhood. We were able to fill a void that had been there, though some hadn't even realized what was missing, until we were together again. We all relived our fun times and we didn't try to fix the bad times. Just knowing they happened, knowing we all survived, seemed to be enough. It forged a link in our family chain that can never be broken in this world again.

Play with my cousins? You bet. Need, love and enjoy my cousins? Absolutely. My life has shown me cousins can be as wonderful as siblings, and as vital to your sense of family as the years grow longer, and lonelier. There is a "cousin legacy" that extends beyond the confines of childhood. It offers each of us consolation and solace as we grow old. Are we alike? Not really. Does it matter? Not a whit. Would we be there for each other? We already are. So thank you God, for the gift and legacy of Cousins.